I have been shamefully remiss and for many various reasons. Much has happened since I posted last, not least of which being I finally joined the Legions of the Eternally Damned. Or in other words, I got married.
T'was magic, t'was brilliant, t'was all a girl could have hoped such a day could be and more, so I've been very blessed but I don't plan to blog about it. There are, after all, about a hundred gazillion kajillion wedding blogs to read in the digital universe and I'm quite happy to keep my story to those that want to specifically ask about it, rather than foisting it upon those that could give less than a flying....you know what I mean.
So today I gaze back instead on the wee emotional trip I was having in the last post, some of which was perhaps caused by the realisation that marriage in and of itself is a kind of an end, as well as a beginning. I did indeed have a bit of a freak out at leaving the last wee vestiges of my single girl persona behind - those memories of life and love in my twenties when everything was still raw and bright and almost entirely without any real consequence. Or so I thought.
A big thank you to those that posted encouragement to the notion that I should share some of my poetic and lyrical meanderings.
You may regret it once read, when you feel obliged to suggest (through unseen gritted teeth, as you poke your keyboard with one reluctant finger to edge out a response) that there is any merit in the work whatsoever.
I hope not to cause you anything close to cringe worthy but as they say something or other favours the bold doesn't it? So, after another night at the keyboard pumping out commercial drivel, I feel emboldened. (It's likely the Red Bull talking....)
A selection...
Curve Player
Bring it back to the flesh where
every whisper lived and we spread love like fire -
burned with the clumsy, ached with the holding, longed
for the letting go because the cut was just so
fucking beautiful, y'know?
Couldn't wait to wake, scattered thoughts across the curves you
played for me, the only one who ever gave life melody.
I am, I remain, will forever be
The silliest girl in the world....
The Speaker
Your life
My heart
These tears
For you
Strong woman
Small part
No fear
True blue
Speaks the words that others can’t
Shows the way for younger ones
You have lit a fire again
In the souls of these women
Rest now
Take peace
Lie back
And sleep
Fight for Light
That Black Crow came a’calling
With his harsh voice every morning.
He’d sit atop your bedhead
and convince you to keep falling.
My white cat came a’creeping.
(I set her loose while you were sleeping)
-sits calmly at the bedpost
to wait for that Bird appalling.
Clawed feet
scratch the space around your head
Body leaps –
feathers fly
That fucking bird is dead!
No more harsh voice every morning
to convince you to keep falling –
only a white love cat that’s purring
to help you smile in each new dawning.
Embers (lyrics, work in progress)
I was just a little wick
In the corner of your sight
Waiting for the world to pay attention to my life
Trying to keep my mind dry so that one day I’d ignite
And then
I’d take off
Take off
Take off
Grind a little fusion stick
To create some kind of spark
Act like you are bathed in light while stumbling in the dark
Nothing but a flicker there to stop me growing hard
Before
I take off
Take off
Take off
Blow my mind
Into orbit far behind
Revolving out of time
We’re all out of time
Exile (lyrics, circa 1987)
You are alone within yourself
you have a self inflicted exile from the world
and all I ever did was try and help
and all you do
is put me through another form of hell.
And you tell me I shouldn't care
but it's so damn hard when I see you there,
and I don't know what I'm doing sitting here writing this
but I don't know about that much any more.
'cause you made me feel like it could be something real
you picked me up and then you let me fall.
And just at a time, yes, just at this time
when I could have given you my all.
I have come down from my high
it came on from the look in your eye
Now all I can do is sit and cry
and all you do
is turn your head as you walk on by...
New addition - August. As an update to this earlier post and related in part to my previous blog where I wrote about having and then losing the passion to write at all, and why I found it again (at least a little...)
Said friend has finished the album and has released it. At almost the same time, appears to have found something else new and shiny and wonderful. Again on reading this in a recent email, I picked up the pen and the words just flowed...it's not literary brilliance, it's not even good but when it comes so easily, it's one of the best feelings in the world...
My heart, he came to the end of his love
And saw that all new beginnings
Start in time and in hopes good faith
You lose before you start winning.
His love, she grew away and crossed a line
And severed all new beginning
Ended her time in such bad faith
Her lies kept stringing and singing.
Open now, embrace how the years have passed
but the game of chance still captures and whirls you,
dares to improve you,
this dance of
whatever may come.
Step out and know that you’ve won.
